Falling in love with a person who has baggage from a previous relationship.

Hi fellow Love Muffins! I'm not sure whether i've put this discussion in the right area as it's my first post so if it's wrong, i'm sorry lol!

Anyhoo, I have a bit of a dilemna and i was hoping for some impartial advice from yall if that's ok!

My question to everyone is, have any of you ever been in a relationship(long distance or otherwise) with a person who already has a child in a previous relationship?

Did you feel uncomfortable around your partners' babymama/daddy at all?

The questions i'm asking may seem pretty simple at the moment but that's because my mind is slightly janky at the moment lol but the reason i ask is because i'm in a situation with a guy who i really love,and he looks after his ex's kid all the time, often calling him his daughter etc even though she is not (but i'm still not 100% on this since this subject is extremely private on that part of his life and hardly tells me a lot and when he does tell me it often ends in arguments) and i am ok with the fact that he bonds with this child, but there is something in my spirit that is not sitting right with me AT ALL because his ex is still in love with him...and it's harder for me because it is a long (LONG) distance relationship between me and the guy so i'm powerless to do anything whatsoever. The fact that there is a child involves brings him and his ex even closer and i don't know whether or not she would try and start things up between them again. :( I trust him not to do anything but i know he has been unfaithful to girls in the past and has been a bit of a player up until he met me so it's pretty touch and go really. This is my first ever "proper" relationship and i just don't know..how to handle all all of this right now :(

Should i be feeling uncomfortable or am i blowing things out of proportion?

Steeviefantastic :)

Tags: children, letter, love, problem

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by SADIO on July 2, 2009 at 7:11pm: Hey there, I am SADIO, usually I am harsh with these type of posts, but I am going to be gentle! You say you love him, great! The question is does he love you? Have you told him your feelings without there being an argument? The next question is....do you love yourself?
1. A long distance relationship is difficult, harder to control if their is another woman where he is ....that he has had sex with.....helping to raise a child.....communicates with all the time.
2. Knowing than an ex...still loves the guy enough to possibly have sex with on occassion....is very unsettling.
3. Knowing that he knows how you feel and does nothing to make you feel better...is not good.
4. TRUST is a fairy tale....that only comes true in fictional stories. He is human, she is human...and they have human desires.
5. Does he 'really' love you? Action speaks louder than words!!! "I love you" means nothing, when he says it while walking out of the house to see her.........oh yeah and the kid!!??

Hun...I wish you the best. The way to handle this situation is to actually talk to yourself as though you are your own best friend!!! And be HONEST with yourself!!!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by HoneyDip on July 2, 2009 at 8:25pm: Amen!!!!!!! Sadio you have said it all Sweetie.. I couldn't agree more! Stephanie really take Sadio's words to heart because coming from my own 36yrs. in this life everything he has said is so on point.

If your really honest with yourself Sweetie you already know the right thing to do. I wish you the best.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on July 2, 2009 at 8:38pm: You really hit some home runs there with your reply. Especially #5!
I think i do need to be honest with myself, that's the main thing. Thank you so much for your input.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by SADIO on July 2, 2009 at 8:57pm: Aww...anything for a Love Muffin!

* Looking over your shoulder will cause.......neck ache, stress and heart ache!*

I hate pain! Like Tyler Perry's new movie coming out in September..."I CAN DO BAD ALL BY MY SELF!"; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Gorgeously Glamorous on July 3, 2009 at 5:31am: baby i know exactly how you feel, my boyfriend has 2 kids from his previous relationship. and at first i did feel uncomfortable, especially when i meet his family for the first time because they were all so use to the idea of him being with her so your feelings are normal and understandable. but i've meet both sides of his family, his baby momma and her momma too! lol
But you have to talk to him and be straight up dont sugar coat nothing.

but, if he really cared about YOU, there sould be no reason to agruee about the past if he is really over it. Men/women only get on the defensive about a past relationship IF there is something still there. The fact that it's a long distance relatonship makes this type of situaton even harder. cause you dont know whats going on and you can only go by what he tells you.

ask you self this.
1 why does it have to be a fight when you ask about the past relationship, IF he is only still around for the child.

2 how do i know he's being faithful? it's one thing to trust but dont be no fool baby as long as she is willing to spread her legs trust and believe he is willing to get between them!

3 do you ever see each other, have you meet his family or her?
if not then you have to to do alot of thinking, longdistance or not if im yo ole lady why doestnt anyone know about me. thats something you really need to think about befor you go anyfurther cause if his not serious with you, there s no need for you to get your feelings involved. if the cant meet you then there is something wrong boo. i hope things work out for the best babe.; ▶ Reply to This