What's wrong with his mouth full of No No's??

Ok, I know this sounds very shallow, but when it comes to searching for a partner, I can't seem to get over image first. I feel horrible for saying that, but it's true. I'm all about making mental and emotional connections first. That makes the physical connection so much more pleasurable. But there has to be some kind of visual connection also. I know what I like and I usually don't tend to settle for anything less. I have slipped a few times here and there, but it was all good:) One way or the other there was some type of connection.

I have met plenty of dudes who have the look, but lack the personality; or, have the look, but lack the sense of self or direction; or, have the personality AND looks (A COMB), but are taken or too far in the closet to be properly snatched out!! In my world, something is always off about a person. I'm working on it, people! The first step is admitting you have a problem:)

For example. There is this prospect (as I like to call my little chasers) who seems like an absolute dream. I met him a year ago through a friend and we almost instantly hit it off. We exchanged photos, which his was very nice, and started chit chatting over the phone because we live almost two hours away from one another. He seemed to be charming, intelligent, very well spoken, and an from the pic very attractive. In my mind, homeboy was really on point. But once it came time to meet him, I was introduced to his mouth full of uglies!! Honey, his teeth are a horrible mess!! He really got me when he sent me that first picture. I was like, OK, the visual compliments his deep, sensual voice. Hopefully, he's a keeper! Ha! He got my ass SO good! Upon introduction, his teeth were literally reaching out to introduce themselves. I was so hurt!

Now, the topic of advancing our friendship into a relationship is being brought up and I refuse to say yes. When I met him in person, all the attraction on my end dissolved. It's like he knew he had me right where he wanted me, so the gave him leeway to showcase his true colors. He became clingy, annoying and extremely perverted (extreme turn off). It was so not a good look for him. But I still couldn't get over his grill!

Once our little meet and greet was over I told him how I felt about him, using some extreme editing. He backed off for a hot second, so I assumed he was cool with the friends thing. Once again he got me good. For the past three months, he’s been calling and texting me, constantly asking me why won't I go out with him. I like his go- getter mentality, but I would prefer to be excluded from his list of obtainable. Sometimes taking the back burner will save you from falling off the stove if you catch my drift. He's really pushing it. I'm not about to be harassed by someone I categorize as a friend. All of this nagging the hell out of me and carrying on is not winning him any cool points at all.

Which brings me too my questions..

Do you think I'm wrong for not being romantically attracted to this prospect because of his critical oral malfunction?? AND Do you think its shallow for a person to reject the pleasure of getting to know someone showing romantic interest in them solely based on his or her visual??

-Food for thought=)

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Permalink Reply by Estee_Lauder on March 13, 2009 at 7:57am: first off , I can't help but laugh @ "oral malfunction" that's one of the educative terms I use , along with "facially handicaped", "emotionally impaired", & it just goes on.....

now on the point! We all make mistakes, & no you're not shallow (least I don't think so), & its kinda sucky that people just SETTLE for the partial package. I made that mistake one good time & I thank God that shit is done , sometimes we FAIL to do our research on people, you may find out really important things like:

why they only have headshot pictures... ( ew I don't want or need all of that on top of me!) sometimes myspace, photobucket, & other accounts they have "hidden" can reveal somethings.

why they probably never took you to their place (its always a mess, section 8, roaches are his roomates)

& why he doesn't smile in his pics or talks with his mouth covered..( remember the movie ALIEN when the little alien came out his mouth? those are like his teeth! LOL)

I met my boyfriend in person, doing something I like to do ( I was acting in an independant film). He's tall, got a body like WOOOAH , & his walet is as big as his heart.

& as for the clingy part, that is a HUGE pet peeve of mine ,talkin bout
WHERE U AT- WHO U WITH- WHY U AINT CALLED...Uugh!!!

you need to set him straight & give him the business UNedit your feelings & if worse comes to worse let his ass go all together, don't let him consume your time, you DONT get that shit back!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by ScottieJaii on March 13, 2009 at 11:48pm: Although his teeth are not the most dazzling in the land, he is still a really cool guy. I seriously could care less about his teeth. Hell, I think I need braces! I’m just afraid that if we took the friendship to another level everything would change drastically, and not for the better. I know all can’t be perfect, but just like an animal can sense a rainstorm, I can tell when doom is near. Us creating a foundation for a relationship would be disastrous for our friendship. I don’t want to jeopardize that.

Thanks, and congrads on your happiness. I hope everything works out for the two of you:) TTYL!!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Estee_Lauder on March 14, 2009 at 9:18am: I so feel you on that! If you feel in your mind & heart that it would only be a good friendship, let him know -like I said set em' straight before it could get deeper.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by SADIO on March 13, 2009 at 6:55pm: Luv Muffins.........
We Gay folk are so stereotypical!!!....... Is it always about looks? And if it is, then would you be upset if someone saw you as being girlish....and told you to stay away after they meet you? Would you be upset if they told you to....stay at home while they visited their family because you would go looking...."funny?"

Let's change the way society views us as.......yes, shallow! You admitted that you hit it off very well, so what's the problem? His teeth? ok....if you let him go, then the next few months you meet him again...and he turns around and smiles...And he has pretty white/straight teeth???........would you be upset if he told YOU to stay away, because now he has a lover, who loved him for him and helped him to look the best he could...by introducing him to their dentist and helping him to pull/cap/brace...and whiten his teeth!!?? Well...with so many rejections in the world today, we should be the first ones to EMBRACE one another! That's why we are here at B.Scott.com! We found a connection and we embrace one another. Loving somone for who they are and what they look like isnt settling for less....in fact, you were single when you talked to this guy right? Doesnt it feel good to have someone to call you/think about you/like you? If you go blind today....do you still deserve love? If you were a supermodel and got in a car accident, would you be hurt if your significant other said........sorry baby-you ugly now...."see ya"!!! Be careful how you treat people, becasue regarless of our external looks, our hearts inside all loook the same!!!!.....

I'm in the fashion industry and I do not date models!!!......

-SADIO; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by ScottieJaii on March 13, 2009 at 11:30pm: I really appreciate your response and honesty. ThanksJ

Although his teeth are a major turn off for me, that is not the sole reason why I'm choosing not to peruse a relationship with him. I'm choosing to continue on as friends because after interacting with him in person, I can tell that once we take it to that level there will be a major change in his personality. A photo says a thousand words, casual conversation puts those words together, but as time goes by and you really get to know that person the story becomes complete. That’s when my decision was made. He’s shown me that he’s extremely intelligent, very driven and self assured. I admire those qualities in people. Plus,he’s not hurting for attention at all. He’s well groomed, very well manner, and his confidence is a major turn on. If he were to get braces, I promise he’d be a vision of perfection by some standards. When I say he got me I was not joking. The gent’s swag is definitely on point, but on the flip side, I did not like his underlying personality. He slowly but surely began showing me that he can be aggressive, possessive and extremely jealous. Personally those are not traits I’d like to deal with.

I am perfectly content with the way our friendship is now. After a little over a year of getting to know one another I am absolutely sure my feelings are not going to change. We were meant to be friends. Nothing more or less. I am not going to commit to someone I’m having doubts about Yes, he could very easily get braces and correct this problem for me and everyone else, but that’s not a proposal I would make guarantee him a relationship because it still would not change my feelings towards him. When I find that person God made for me, or vies versa, I’m going to take that person as they are regardless of their height, weight, skin tone, ethnicity, physical shortcomings etc. because if I make a genuine connection with someone and the feeling is mutual, I am not going to jeopardize OUR happiness and deeper exploration of one another because of their exterior. That applies to anyone I come in contact with. Thus bringing forth the question of shallowness. So many people in the gay and straight community (more so in the GBLT community) will let a good thing pass them by because they could not look past that person’s last seasons best. Why?? Is that being stereotypical, having a good sense of judgement of character or just knowing what you like and not willing to settle for anything less than what you visually believe you deserve?? (-food for thought)

And as far as rejection, I've dealt with that my entire life, so in no way, shape, form, or fashion do I feel I am entitled to exploit another persons imperfections as if mine do not exist. He and I have both shared our insecurities with one another, and to my surprise his teeth just so happened to be excluded from his list. I decided then and there that if he likes it, I love it. But, every time I think of him I still have that image of them in my mind. I can’t seem to shake it.

Do I believe the initial though of his teeth being a turn off for me is shallow? Absolutely, but I also believe my response to that thought was not. I could have immediately discontinued our friendship based on his teeth, just like he could have very easily stopped talking to me because I’m too tall, wearing my cloths too tight, or because I’m too soft spoken or too intoned with my feminine side. I’ve dealt with it on numerous occasions, and it can be a hurt feeling, especially if you like that person. I have not lead him on, he know where I stood after our first meeting. I am a medical student and work in the medical field dealing hands on with patients that are suffering real physical deformities. Every day I thank God I'm able to walk, talk, hear smell, open the door, recognize a loved, remember to brush my hair, pick up your spoon, etc,. We do tend to forget the small things that are so huge to other. So, when it comes to me judging him on his teeth SOLEY, I would never lower mt morals.

Thanks again for the response. This always makes for good discussion. TTYLJ; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by RoRo From the Ashes on March 13, 2009 at 7:06pm: HAM; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Ms.NeeCee on March 14, 2009 at 9:34pm: I thinks this goes for everyone in general! You have to be attracted to that person or it will turn into a long drawn out relationship of nothing. I'm sorry you can even love their company but when it comes down to being intimate and your stomach turns or you have to turn the other cheek just to get some then, it's not worth even starting up something with them if you can't get past the errors. Don't feel bad. I think we all have something we need to work on. lol; ▶ Reply to This