Why do single people have to put themselves on a shelf when it comes to the friends who are in relationships?

This is happened please help!!
One of my best friends recently has been acting more like a frienemy than a true friend. When I want to have some private time with anyone other than her it's starting to become a problem. I've talked to her about it. We have fussed about it. It still seems to be going nowhere. I love my best friend. I just want to be as adult as I can about the situation. I don't wanna distance myself from her but it seems to be headed in that direction. She has a loving one year old son and she has been with the baby's father for more than 5 years now going on 6 years.
I don't want any children. My GODSON is her son. However I do want to be married some day. I'm 25 years old going on 26 by December 9th of this year 2009. I'm free spirited, I'm in college, I have my own place, and I live in the urban area of Baltimore, MD not the ghetto just the city close to downtown. I'm originally from Washington, DC. Anyways! I feel that lately she has been coming out of her mouth more wrong lately. You know how you'll have friends and it's certain things that only you all will say around each other, that other racial backgrounds might not be comfortable with, or the fact that your values maybe just different. She wanted children, a boyfriend and stuff. That's her life I have no problem with it because that's what makes her happy. When it comes to things that I like or that make me happy. She makes it seem like now the things that I care about are less important because I don't have children or because I'm coming home to myself and not a man. I feel that people with responsibilities such as children or significant others should be able to still try and balance the friends out in their lives. Without making their single friends feel like there life is less important because they don't take on those responsibilities.
2 weeks ago we had this huge blow up about finally getting her to go out without her man. She says she talks to him and he says she can go out but he always ends up coming. Trying to be honest I sat down with the two of them and some other friends that felt the same. The night started off pretty good. He chilled at home with his boys and my godson. My bestfriend and I went out. Well I'm known for knowing alot of promo people so If we wanna go out. People call me to say they are coming in with me, or I walk them in. We go out of our way to go pick up two of her co - workers that she use to chill with while I was away in DALLAS texas on business for about a year and a half. One of the chicks we picked up I remember her from her past Birthday the week before the drama. I told her that my dude was only going to be in town for two days so could I have her keys if I come in late or tomorrow so I wake anyone up. She gave me the keys before we left her house to go to the spot. We get there and it's about 5 extra people that I didn't even know they were coming. People I just don't know who they are. I still am nice enough to get them in not really complaining about that. So what! The club closes at two o'clock in the morning and my dude calls me at 1:15am and then I tell her I'm about to leave. She start cursing me out and telling me I'm not a good friend and how she gave up her son and baby's father to come and hang out and that I'm leaving her for some guy when he's not just a guy he is my man. I was completely throughn off. I was not leaving her by herself. I ended up staying because I told my dude her boyfriend didn’t come this time, and my dude told me cool and told me to call him later. She fussed at me all the way to her house. I didn't even get to see my dude until 10pm the following day. They don't run in the same circles. He is in his late thirty's and go to Harvard university and he feels that she very immature, and that she will hold me back and that she wants to be in control. She feels like I keep him a big secret, and she thinks I only see him at night.

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Permalink Reply by TIESHA M. COLEMAN on September 8, 2009 at 7:49am: It's pretty lengthy but I need help!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by RoRo From the Ashes on September 8, 2009 at 9:25am: She does sound kind of immature. And it seems she has that problem of not accepting people that may not run with her way of seeing things. A lot of women i know think that because they have a man and a child they suddenly become the all knowing woman of the world. But they fail to realize that THEIR world may not be the end all of life itself. As for the friendship, who you spend your time with is absolutely none of her business unless you let her know, and it's not her place to get psychological on you, making you pick between her and your man. It's not like you ditch her everytime for a guy right? So the few times you do shouldnt even matter to her. She does remember being single doesn't she?

And even if you do decide to keep him a secret, it still isnt any of her bidnits. People like that most often than not get lied to, because knowing the truth will get the drama flowing, and most folks don't like unnecessary drama like that.

But i am pretty sure theres a reason you are best friends. Has she always been like this or did it start up recently? If she cant understand where your coming from and refuses to see it, maybe distance is the best thing...; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by TIESHA M. COLEMAN on September 8, 2009 at 9:40am: Well she lives with her baby's father and has been with him bout 5 years now.
She has always been over protective with new friends in my life but not my men. My man doesn't want to meet her. When we are together we are loud and fun, he will hear that and be like you need be more mature. So I'm like they don't have to be around each then. I made that decision for myself. You know just picking my battles. No I don't just up and leave my friends because I spend every weekend with her now since I've been back from Texas with her. If I'm not out of town or don't have previous plans with other friends. I'm at her house. I don't think she remembers what it's like being single any more. This just started up with just the one guy cause I haven't brought him around.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Tiffany on September 9, 2009 at 10:21am: Ok...here is my 2 cents

the honest truth is that yall are growing in 2 totally diff ways or paths (wc is obvious) but yall shouldnt gro apart. shes a mother wit a man and ur single still able 2 mingle. u shouldnt have 2 stretch urself thin in order to do as u wish as well as include her and then on top of that have 2 deal wit her outbursts. yall need to talk. idk how long yall been friends but yall should b able to talk bout what issues exist btwn the 2 of u. I recently had 2 close myself off from my bestfriend bc i felt like i was becomin an option when she was always so much more. i stopped talkin 2 her bc i was offended wit how she treated me, our dynamics totally changed. i didnt even try and talk 2 her bout how she made me feel bc i was pissed and hurt by her (i basically said F her and went on wit my life).

the fact is things r gonna come up. changes r gonna b made in one of if not both of ur lives but the dynamics of ur relationship should not change. if it starts 2 get progressively harder to deal wit her or whats goin on then the dynamics clearly have shifted. it shouldnt get that far but if it does, a change has 2 b made. she should respect u 4 ur life situation and choices and love u 4 who u r 2 HER, outside of her son and man or whatever or whomever is in ur life. its a tough situation but u gotta do what u gotta do 4 u even if that means seperatin urself from her.

hope this helps somehow; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by TIESHA M. COLEMAN on September 9, 2009 at 10:29am: Thanks Boo!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Tiffany on September 9, 2009 at 10:39am: no prob!; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Chele72 on September 17, 2009 at 8:10am: To me it sounds like she might be a little jealous that your not tied down like she is...(I could be wrong.)
Some folks like to fake the funk like all is well when actually they are feeling overwhelmed in their lives. Maybe having a man and live in are what she wanted but not that she has them she could be having second thoughts and feeling a little trapped.....That could be where the bi-polar actions are coming from. Maybe you need to sit down with her one on one...and ask her if everything is cool. if she says yes and still doesn't change then fall back and let her have her happy space.; ▶ Reply to This